Who me?

Me? Steal food while you're not looking? How could you even begin to think of me like that? When have I ever stolen anything? When have I waited until you weren't looking to snag food off the counter? When have I ever jumped up on the bench and swiped your child's peanut butter and jelly sandwich right out of their hands? When have I waited for the doorbell to ring before getting up from under the table while you ran to answer it and hopped up to the counter to eat the whole block of tofu you were planning on cooking for dinner? I am just an innocent pup, wrongful accused of misdeeds. I implore you! Observe how I sit so patiently, waiting for you to summon me into the playroom so you can eat in peace. I am such a good hound dog. I would never do anything to cause a loss of food in this household. Never...